MARRIAGE? Yes, its worth it 3

Long story but I will try to summarize it…

Met my hubby in Uni. He was president of my fellowship then. We had a Pastor /Member relationship for a while and gradually became friends.  After his graduation he came back  one day and said ‘…I want to marry you.  He told me how TERRIBLY BAD his present state was.  Second child out of seven children, A young law graduate who hadn’t even gone for law school (getting law school admission then was as difficult as hell let alone as he was the son of a ‘no body’ . One thing that stuck me the most about him was that having told me how bad the present was, he gave me a clear picture of how my tomorrow with him will be and it was a beautiful picture and since I had grown to like him so much so after a few  (normal woman shakara) months I said the yes.   

Then the ‘management’ started. Prayed and prayed for law school admission after loads of disappointments, God finally brought it at the time when we didn’t include any human effort. At this time I was already a corper so I was richer than bros with my less than 10k. I wanted to have his account number so I could be sending money to him sometimes but he didn’t let me have it. Instead he will send me 200 naira recharge card (this was at the time when boyfriends were loading their girlfriends phone with 1500) I will still celebrate the 200 naira like my life depends on it. I remember how free night calls helped us build our distant relationship cos we couldn’t afford long calls during the day. God bless GLO and MTN ooooooo.

So life continued like this. My fiancé couldn’t feed himself talk less of me. BUT in all of these I was getting steady supplies of his ‘widows’ mite’ and care plus constant reminders of a better tomorrow with him. I hung in there. People kept asking when is your wedding ? We would both reply soon. (but in reality soon ke, where is the money for wedding coming from?) . Soon I got a job whose salary was about 50k I started saving.  This time I was bold enough to FORCE my money into his hands sometimes I succeeded, other times I do not.


The wedding

Hubby got a job immediately after NYSC after going to Uni and Law school plus NYSC, the job landed and with a salary of 30k (at this point I didn’t know If I should start crying or laughing).  What will 30k do? Well I had to face reality and hubby said now he was ready for marriage (he waited till he had a job)  so wedding plans started. First he had to get accommodation (all his savings went into this), I asked to support. Again, he said no.  He moved into the house(few weeks to the wedding)  and was sleeping on a bare floor with cover cloth. When he said he wanted to move in. I didn’t like the idea but he said no he wasn’t going to bring me into a strange place so he needed to familiarize himself with the environment. So I quickly (without telling him) went to buy curtains for the house and then my wonderful friends joined me in fixing the curtains and we prayed for the house.

We fixed our date (both of us) and announced even without having money set aside. A friend of mine immediately called and said ‘my hubby and I will take care of your wedding IV’s and hall decoration. We saw God at work immediately and so from there other gifts started rolling in without us asking anybody for help.  Our families were super and we got their support all through. My folks never asked me what I was doing with my ‘broke man’ they loved him all the way. I guess my mum had concerns but she never mentioned it.  I remember I went to my first shopping with my PERSONAL money (some friends didn’t like this. But do I care? Absolutely NO!  So hubby asked me to set out an account where he can be sending money to so I can carry on with the shopping and preps (I had very good friends who we will enter inside the deepest part of Eko market to buy cheap and good stuff). Sometimes I would get alert of as little as 5k in that account (hahahahaha) hubby was sending money as if I was going to buy crayfish. But then, I never complained. I kept cheering him up. We couldn’t even afford an event hall for reception so we used a government school. Finally, wedding day came and it was successful by all standards. We didn’t have to pay anyone a dime after the wedding.  DEBT FREE WEDDING.


After the wedding

We found our way to a HALF star hotel for honey moon somewhere in the outskirts of Lagos. ( we passed there recently to find out the hotel has been converted to private house and church- I guess people have gone past that level so they had to fold up).  Did I remember to mention that all the money sprayed on the wedding day was sown as a seed to our wedding counselor? Yes that was our decision. VERY HARD DECISION for me considering our present circumstances but I had to listen to and support my husband’s decision.

On our way from honey moon, (we could only afford only 3 days) we went to a shop and bought a mattress, rug for one room, standing fan and ‘I pass my neighbor’ gen and that was how we ‘FURNISHED’ our house.  It was a 3 bedroom apartment but officially we used one room, kitchen and bathroom because the other parts of the house were COMPLETELY empty. All guests were received in our room as there were neither chairs nor carpet in the living room.  I bought stove, collected plates from mummy, bought few pots, buckets before the wedding with my money. PLEASE NOTE THAT AT THIS TIME PEOPLE WERE NOT USING STOVE AGAIN O. But yours truly didn’t have money for gas, even camp gas.  We also didn’t want to have kids immediately. I personally didn’t want (considering finances and my graduate studies) but God embarrassed me and put a son in me at my first sex ever. (Yes hubby and I never had sex before marriage. Pressures for sex never ever came from him sef. He wasn’t a virgin though).

Oh I remember how we arrived at my mum’s church for thanksgiving (as a compensation since we didn’t get married in her church) in my lace iro and buba with gele on a bike. The bike dropped us in front of the church and church people started staring. (‘ebi olokada’ tins)- But again, wetin concern us. Hubby and I were happy like that. Two months after, we got our first car and that was how things began to improve.

Today I am proud and happy to say sticking to my husband through those years is the best decision (aside salvation) that I have ever made.   He is worth all of the sacrifices and more.  God has and is still blessing him. This same man who gathered and gathered money to pay his first house rent, no he doesn’t have a house of his own yet but he pays his rents seamlessly without even noticing that something has left his purse. He pays the school fees of his children in sessions not termly without sweats.  He pays all my graduate school fees. He provides for the family 100 percent not minding that I work. He doesn’t even know how much I earn and never expects me to buy a pin for the immediate family. He does ALL the shopping for the family and still gives me what he calls ‘discretionary funds’.   I can boldly say that I am married to the most selfless and kindest lover in the world. A true son and representative of Jesus Christ.  His show and display of responsibility is out of this world. I’ve learnt the true definition of love from him. The idea of a woman multi tasking doesn’t hold true in my marriage. My husband is the chief of multi tasking. He pampers me like an egg. My nick name is highly pampered wife.  He does everything a woman is ‘supposed’ to do steadily and constantly with joy, smiles and fulfiment.  When you ask him why he does all that he says his goal and pleasure lie in giving me a stress less life. He cooks,(solid chef tins) washes, cleans, prepares the kids for school and drops them as a matter of duty and not convenience. I can’t remember the last time I cooked.  I stay for years without doing house chores (this is not an exaggeration). I have never visited or called a mechanic. I don’t even know when car papers expire or whatever.  But recently, after a post on TPJ  (where a woman mentioned that she does all the house chores. People expressed how drained that woman would be after doing all chores, I got a cue from that post and began to help my hubby sometimes. Yes help cos he says it’s not my duty. He still restrains me sometimes but I do help sometimes still. Thank you TPJ. That same ’broke’ man has sent me on all expense paid trips abroad twice and part expense paid trips other times. Every new car is bought for me and he uses the older one per time.  (Don’t get it twisted, he is not a rich man yet, we are still coming up) My family especially my mum is so happy with our life today, (remember I told you I sensed her concerns initially, she finally voiced it in form of testimonies today). She came to my house last week  I wasn’t home). When I got back and met her with hubby, she took me to the room and said, my daughter, your husband is a constant Christmas gift to you. And to all of us. Please always pray for him and take care of him. She prayed for us and left.  This is not to say we haven’t had our episodes of quarrels. Oh! Yes we do. We don’t agree on everything but when we disagree, we still allow love to give us a common ground. We haven’t had issues bigger than us that would require external support systems and we take deliberate steps to keep our love intact. Pastor B, let me stop here, my husband is worth every sacrifice and marriage is sweet and worth every wait. Every challenge is surmountable with God. I have come to the realization that there are loads of godly and happy marriages in town but the devil in his usual schemes try to magnify the not so good stories.  Thank you for the opportunity to write this, I do hope it inspires both men and women.  Hey I forgot to mention, I am representing TPJ well in the other room. *winks* and may I use this opportunity to pray for this man again. WITH EVERYTHING IN ME, I BLESS YOU MY DARLING HUSBAND. THE LORD WILL KEEP YOU AND YOU WILL NOT LOSE YOUR REWARD IN JESUS NAME! AMEN!!!



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